For weeks now I’ve been meaning to write, if for no other reason that I didn’t want this blog to just be about sadness. I promise: I have done a lot of things to make me smile since I last wrote in June (that is shameful. I will do better). But some days I just need to rip the bandaid off, so here goes.

Today would have been our 29th anniversary.

Twenty-nine years ago right now, I was getting ready to walk down the aisle.

One year ago today, Rich was having his last meal.

He chose our anniversary, because he really didn’t feel he had any specific calendar dates to hang on for. His last meal, chosen by him, was champagne and wedding cake. We ate and watched our wedding video. We didn’t talk much. It was pretty hard for him to verbalize at this point, and we frankly didn’t have much more we needed to say. We knew this was basically the end. Of course, we thought it would be a much faster end, but the universe decided it wanted to dick with us some more. I’m not sure why it felt like we needed to be tested. I hope we passed.

I wasn’t sure what I would do today. I couldn’t decide if I should try to commemorate it, or just go about my day. I slept in (which is so weird for me) and then decided to buy myself an anniversary present: a bunch of plants, lol. Rich was pretty adamant about following the “traditional gifts” for anniversaries. Twenty-ninth is evidently furniture. Wonder what he would have done for that?

After I got home. I watched football (as the Vikings lost, I could hear Rich’s regular Sunday refrain “God we suck” rattling in my brain), then Frankie helped me pull weeds. It seems like a regular day, but these were all things that helped me take care of myself a little bit. In a minute, I will take a shower, and then watch stupid TV with my girl. And that’s OK.

When I got in the car this morning to head over to Tonkadale Greenhouse, I turned the radio on as I always do. The first thing I heard was the line “…only the good die young,” by Rich’s favorite artist, Billy Joel. You may remember that that song title was the theme of his Celebration of Life invitation.

Thanks, Rich, for reaching out this morning. I miss you, and will always love you.

Happy Anniversary.