Does that car come in Leopard Print?
In the market for a new car, and finally convinced HWSNBN to join me in the showrooms. He was most displeased. He HATES cars. He HATES shopping. Thus, this experience was some sort of circle of Hell for him. But when asked whether he would just prefer me to do it solo, he was aghast. Even though he’s known me since I had Let’s Get Physical hair, he still thinks I am frivolous. I am so weirdly practical — so much that I am often known as the buzzkill in our friend group. Don’t get me wrong: I long to be the crazy person on the Amazing race, hurling my body off cliffs and careening around small European towns with a flimsy map in one hand and a pre-Cold War stick shift in my other. But I will plan the life out of anything first!
I have done my research: I know what I want. I know what I need. One salesman’s first question to me was “So what color do you want?” (for reals. Like as a middle aged woman with crazy blue muppet hair that would be priority numero uno, of course). We left that showroom! I WANT a sexy little sports car, preferably with a leopard print paint job. But I NEED a mid-size SUV for hauling dogs and puppy party supplies, and I WANT the best gas mileage possible. Personally I think those are pretty practical starting points. HWSNBN thinks they are silly. He thinks gas mileage is some sort of government conspiracy thing (actually he explained it differently but that’s pretty much what it sounded like to me). And he thinks it’s dumb for me to choose a car based on what I will use it for the most. Okaaayyyy….I asked him what he thinks should be my first priority. He looked at me, eyebrows raised in shock so high they parted his hair, and said “Well it’s your car. How should I know?”
So when we were in the showrooms, he kind of hid.
I am a very decisive person. I don’t like to waste time. I had already visited 6 different dealers, driven 4 cars, and had it narrowed down to my top 2. Yesterday we just needed to visit the last two brands and on my list. After 5 minutes in the first showroom, I knew that car wasn’t for me and we left. HWSNBN was frustrated, as my main reason for crossing that one off the list was crappy MPG (that started the whole it’s just a number dictated by the government and it doesn’t mean anything discussion). Next dealership, I spent more time considering the car, as I was tempted by its prettiness. But 10 minutes in I knew that all the pretty didn’t justify the price tag. Plus, it was a model never before on the market and that seemed risky to me. So I pulled up my Practical Pants and we walked on. (Sadly, I couldn’t zip up my Confidence Coat as I forgot it at home. So shopping in -2 temps while wearing naught but a 3/4 sleeve T shirt also probably put a little more hustle in my bustle.)
HWSNBN was a little grumbly that I wasn’t spending more time. ‘Twas my turn to do some eyebrow exercising, and I arched one in his direction. He caught the look and realized I was getting him out of this misery way faster than he anticipated, and clammed up.
So now it’s down to two and a half vehicles (that’s because one model I like has a hybrid version, so both must be considered). Not sure when we are going to get a chance to look at them. I am literally booked every night this week: Monday is book club, Tuesday we start French lessons, Wednesday is my military moms support group, Thursday I have to chair the senior party meeting, and Friday I run a Puppy Party. So maybe Saturday? I REALLY need this off my list! Plus I think HWSNBN needs to be put out of his misery. I know he wants me to buy a used car, but I keep my cars a long time (my current one is 14 years old), and I deserve something pretty and new. And every day that we talk about this, it’s like pulling off an old bandage one arm hair at a time. Let’s rip that sucker off daddy and put mama in some new wheels!